No other word can describe what happened tonight better, though ‘catastrophe’ might be another good bet.
The best fuckin football team on earth lost to, erm.. Switzerland. No pushovers themselves, and certainly no DPR Korea, but still only Switzerland. They run banks. They make cheese. And they play football on the side. And they beat Spain. You call that fair? You call that FUCKIN fair?
By now, you’ve already figured that this post will be the ‘Casino‘ of blog posts. Bear with it.
I’ve been supporting Spain quite vocally in Facebook and Twitter and pissed off some evil South Americans. I’ve celebrated the stuttering wins of Brazil and Argentina as if they were bad losses and rubbed it in their faces. Which pissed them off even more. I guess I should’ve known what was coming. Karma. Bitch. Fuck.
The football we’ve played over the last 2 years have been orgasmic. Save one game versus the Americans where Sergio Ramos was a sissy fuck. And the Americans had an organised and determined defense. Ringing bells.
The Swiss were expected to park the bus. The first temptation is to slate them for playing ‘Anti-football’. But once you think it over, what chance do you have against the best passing side in the world? Any, if at all, lie in being a fucking wall. Being a fucking wall which can anticipate, block, stand firm, and kicking the assholes up against you into submission when necessary. Which was most of the time. And go on the counter with what little you’ve got and hope the best upcoming international centreback, a most experienced one and one of the world’s best keepers fuck up together.
They did just that. And all the pieces, each and every fucking one of them, fell into position. The wall was so omnipresent that even Xavi fucking Hernandes couldn’t pass his way through it. Xavi. THE BEST PASSER IN THE WORLD. FUCK . And God, that’s the ugliest goal I’ve seen in a World Cup, even from a neutral perspective. But Who cares? The Swiss won’t give a flying fuck, and rightly too, coz they had a gameplan , and they executed it to fucking perfection.
Do they count possession? 67-33. No. Do they count shots on goal? 24-7. Twenty fucking four. No. Do they count fair play? 18 fouls suffered to 8. No. What do they count? GOALS. 1-0. Football needs an overhaul, baby. Not.
Now let’s move on to me. The aforementioned evil South Americans and just about every fucking passerby defiled my Facebook profile. It saw more activity in a day than it’s seen in fucking years. Kind of like a teenager getting gangbanged. Can you believe that the generally mildmannered Captain Chandrakant Nair made 21 comments on various posts in my profile and more in his. Don’t get me started on the vindictiveness of HVR who was physically exhausted from gloating and harassing me, if such a thing can happen. You’ll get a clear picture, if you know the said gent in person and imagine what it must take to exhaust him. Others, please imagine Po with the personality of The Joker.
Being a reasonably intelligent and mostly successful person, I don’t get into many embarrassing situations. But today was a day, my friends, I fucking hope never to live again.
Back to football. The Swiss being a team which haven’t let in a goal in their last 4 worldcup games, I guess , on second thoughts, this , while being an unexpected occurrance, is explainable. They shut shop and we didn’t have a plan B, simple as that. But Chile and Honduras are hardly sides which can do what the Swiss did, half as effectively. Chile are an attacking side, they will play 4-3-3, go gung-ho and play into our hands, while Honduras is just not good enough to keep Spain at bay for 90 minutes. Plus, there is the little matter of the wounded pride and desperation. This is part analysis and part speculation and part hope.
What the heck? I declare we will beat the fucking hell out of them. The time for modesty is long past and being modest is no fun, anyway. I’ve always been a gambler. Hence I’ve stuck my neck out on Facebook again and made all the manly declarations I just made and in addition , threatened the South American fucks of the repercussions of the Samba they danced today on my modesty.
It is quite likely that we meet at least one of the said South American once we roar into the next round. Indeed, I pray fervently for it. Nothing can be worse for me than tonight. On the other hand, it can be the awesomest of all awe-fucking-some things to happen in this world since Istanbul if we do exact revenge. Not their revenge though, my revenge.
They will do it for me. I know they will. My team. My playahs.Viva Espana.
Tonight’s just a blip. Go get them, mothafuckahs . Or as they say in Spain,
A Por Ellos!!!
PS: The title is an inside joke. Between me and the BFP. Which is quite brilliant, believe me. So you are free to smile at it . If you insist you must know it, say so in the comments. 🙂
Image courtesy : Zimbio . com